A Sad, Sad Story...Costco Edition

(Author's Note: Not TRULY sad)

So.

Over the weekend, Bill, Emmy & I go to Costco. We've got our TWO fully loaded carts of Heaven and we are headed to the checkout, we come to the books/movies/DVD's and I decide that I want a movie, so we park our carts by the booze so we only have to maneuver our bodies through the sea of people. (BTW, we decided to go to the brand new one that replaced the old one that all the old people and clueless people went to. We THOUGHT it would be better since they had relocated it. Nope. If your in my area and thinking of giving that location (Sossamon Rd.) a try, DON"T DO IT!!!!!) Anywhoo, where was I?

Ah yes, movie section.

Bill's lookin. Emmy's lookin. I'm lookin. And we don't really see anything except MAYBE the Will Ferrel movie where he is wearing the shorty shorts. But really, that could go either way. As in way funny or way STUPID. SO we give it the passover. I say maybe we could look for a TV series we haven't seen but have wanted to try. So we all go to lookin again.

On the floor underneath the tables I see a box with cute colored DVD cases. This looks like it could be promising. I crouch down, and peer in the box.

It's "Sex & The City" all the different seasons.

I get all excited, so I call Bill over.

Me: Bill, how about this? You know, it's not something we all can watch, but it might be good for at night instead of night 26,537 of Law & Order.

B: Hmmm...

Me: I heard it's really good. My little UK Friend loves it! Her husband surprised her and took her to go see the movie on opening day, she said it is SOOO good.

B: Your UK friend?

Me: Yeah, you know, the one who's moving to Australia.

B: The one from "Blog World"?

Me: smiling, nodding head. "Uh-huh." Yeah. her.

B: He just stands there shaking his head, thinking what a sad, sad, little wife he has.

At that moment, that country song starts playing in my head. If you don't know it, the lyrics are below.

I am suddenly the people I make fun of.

But I like it, SO THERE!

.....................................................................................
Artist: Paisley Brad
Song: Online
Album: 5th Gear

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire under my yak
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online
I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’ll see ya online